?

Log in

Jes
26 October 2005 @ 07:23 pm
Frustrated.

That is how I feel about this week. I have busted my ass and sent out 20-25 resumes (I lost track)and I haven't gotten anything at all. Until tonight.

I have a good feeling, but you never know how it is going to go.

Fuckity-Fuck.

I have cramps too and I hate the cold. Our wedding account is very low and that makes me depressed. Kevin is tired of me crying because I have no direction in my life and I have no idea what the hell I want for a career.

Jenn thinks I should just have a baby and stay at home. Ha ha ha. Sadly, I thought about it too. Well not just get pregnant and sit on my arse for 9 months; but just go get a stupid job for the time being and then have the baby. I thought about it for a whole day and then I spent the day with Jenn and Brynn and decided I am not ready to be Bessy the cow/full time caregiver. Nope not yet. Next idea please...

I think joining the circus is out. Kevin won't travel and I am not as flexible as I once was.

Hmmm. There is always sex phone operator. I actually saw an ad in the paper for that. I could never actually say those things to people with out 1) laughing my ass off or 2) telling them what sick fucks they are.

I am a true believer that all things happen for a reason and you have to make the lemonade out of the lemons that are handed to you. I am squeezing and squeezing; now I just need to wait for the sugar to arrive.

'gnight.
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
Jes
23 September 2005 @ 12:55 pm
We leave for our two week honeymoon tomorrow! I am so excited. One week in Panama City Beach right on the water and another week in Orlando at Disney World. We are staying at the Caribbean Beach Resort. I love that resort and I can’t wait to go to Cirque Du Soleil.

Our wedding was perfect. I can’t believe how fast it goes by and how much fun I had and how much of the day I actually don’t remember until I see the pictures. It didn’t rain a drop until well after 9 pm, but I had the tent anyway. I am not a religious person, but people in my family seem to think that my deceased grandparents had something to do with the weather. I just smiled.

I cried when we said our vows (again), and it was so amazing to finally be able to share our vows with our family and friends. Kevin wiped my tears as they came down my face which made me cry even more. I couldn’t stop smiling all day. My puppy was the cutest flower puppy in the whole world. She was so well behaved and was a perfect angel.

We have received phone calls and emails from everyone telling us that we had the best wedding they have ever been to. Now I don’t know if they are lying to us or if they are being honest. Almost every one of our 225 guests was dancing the whole evening. Everyone loved the carve-it-yourselves turkey dinners; the printed pint glass favors and the two tier cake serve your self centerpieces.

Everyone looked amazing. My grandmother made it to the wedding. She looked amazing after having a stroke and being home from the hospital for two days. After we were married and we walked down the aisle, I stopped and gave my grandmother a kiss and she was crying, I was crying and everyone around was crying.

Right before the bagpiper started playing, Jenn ran up to me and gave me a kiss and said that she loved me and was so proud of me; she looked at my dad and smiled gave him a kiss and ran back in line just in time to walk down the aisle.

What an amazing day. And now I am finally Mr. K. King!!!

I have pics posted on flickr, but I am not done posting all my pictures so once I have it all done I will post the link!!!
 
 
Jes
16 September 2005 @ 09:25 am
ok so like my wedding is tomorrow and we have the remnants of hurricane Ophelia. Yea! Just what I need for an outside wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freaking out! I am freaking out. So I am taking today and putting together a contingency plan. I have Kevin heading down to Charlestown to measure the ceremony site so we can get a tent.

OK Kevin called and we need a 25'x40'tent. Hmmm. On the phone with rental company they have a 30'x40' frame tent! Yea. Ok. delivery is before 3 tomorrow and in the event we wake up and it is sunny we won't need it. This is good because it will save us $850.00. Good thing I over budgeted and we have the extra money lying around.

I feel a bit better. At least I get what I wanted; married outdoors with the bagpipes playing. Please let it pour. Drizzle is ok. Please, please, please.

I am so happy that tomorrow I don't have to keep it a secret that I am a married woman!
 
 
Jes
12 September 2005 @ 09:06 am
My grandmother had a stroke on Saturday and is in the hospital and will not be making it to the wedding. This weekend was an emotional ride that I do not wish to relive.

I keep trying to sleep at night and I can't. I am so tired.

Only 5 more days until my wedding. OH my lord.
 
 
Jes
24 August 2005 @ 10:37 am
The Bachelor Party was a hit! I was so worried because of the few “hiccups” that the boys had in dealing with each other; well mostly Joey.

I knew they sold around 100 tickets or something like that, but I also knew most of the tickets were people just contributing to the cause and they were not going to go to the party. This was the part that made Stefan and myself quite nervous. How fun would a comedian be in a room of 15 people?

Anyway, Kevin and I met up with Stefan at the Sand Trap for a quick drink before the party and Kevin was quite. He doesn’t like being the center of attention and he didn’t know what to expect. Stefan and I were more quite than usual because we were concerned the party was going to flop.

Not the case at all! Stef and Kev got to the Fireman’s Club and found a full parking lot and people pouring out the door! 70 people showed up; they ran out of food and had to go to the store to buy more steaks! This was good and bad; but in any case when everything was all said and done and everyone got paid and all bills were settled, Stefan handed Kevin and I an envelope that had $1,200 in it. Oh, my god!

I knew that the groom got money from the bachelor party, but I had no idea. I don’t know if this is considered a lot of money according to bachelor party standards, but I know it was not what Kevin or I even expected! I guess there would have been more money, but they had to buy more stuff and they had to pay full price instead of a discount, but who cares! We used that money to pay for the honeymoon!

I met up with the boys at the bar after the bachelor party; we had so much fun. Although it went well, the after party at our house had a disasterous end; as usual. Mike and Melissa (neighbors from hell that I didn’t want to move in) caused this major scene; Ron stepped in and told Mike not to call his wife a whore in front of people that he didn’t know and to treat her with respect.

This caused a fight (obviously) so I kicked Mike out and told him that he is not allowed at our house again; every time we have a party he gets drunk and fights with his wife and it makes everyone uncomfortable and I won’t stand for it any more. We (Kevin and I) stayed up until 4:30 with Melissa talking to her telling her how we feel and explained to her that everyone can see how miserable she is in her marriage and how both of them need to either go to counseling and stop drinking (she drinks daily (straight vodka) so she can “feel happy”) or get a divorce and stop drinking. I also explained to her that I realize none of this will ever happen and that they will continue to live their lives with the “elephant in the living room” and it will be business as usual to them; however it will not be tolerated in my house in my company. I don’t think they are going to change and that is fine, but I can put up boundaries and stick to them and maybe they will get the hint and stop coming around.

Ok so we have a few weeks before the wedding. I am doing ok, but still slightly freaking out because there still seems to be a billion things left to tie up. I have meetings all week next week with the vendors. I also have to train my temp next week too.

I need to get a final head count; I am chasing people down to get their responses. Some people that I care about I will call, the other people I feel if they don’t respond then if they show up that day they are out of luck. I know I shouldn’t do that, but fuck it.

This was supposed to be a 225 person wedding; and we were hoping that 180 people would show up. Well with the people attending, feeding the band, photographer and the minister we are looking at 230+ people. Ugh.

I went to the Psychiatrist the other day and he put me on Concerta for my ADD. I am not sure how long I am going to take it, I want to take it to get through this next month and really see what kind of difference it makes in my life. I am tired of trying so hard to do things that shouldn’t take that much concentration. I discussed this with Kevin, with my therapist and of course with my good friend Becc (who is a clinician/therapist). I will see how it goes and see if my quality of life improves a bit. I am nervous/anxious and sort of excited to see if it makes a difference.

Ok, well I have to get back to work.
 
 
 
Jes
12 August 2005 @ 03:16 pm
So the wedding is right around the corner. I am finishing up with some loose ends and tying it all together. Ugh. I am totally stressed out; possibly beyond anything I have ever felt before. Not just because of the wedding, but other people and their issues and how they project themselves on us.

The wedding is stressing me out to a degree, but honestly if the cakes don’t show up; big deal, we won’t have centerpieces or any desert. If the flower guy doesn’t show up; who cares. I am going with it in an “easy come, easy go” fashion. However, the details like seating arrangements and responses and making sure everyone we wanted to invite got invited and why the hell are people not responding! So far we have 150 yes and 4 no’s.

The situation with Paul and Carrie still looms in the air; but fuck it. I am not fighting to prove anything to anyone. And as far as Mike and Missy go; they can fuck themselves and I think less of them now than I ever did before. Right now they are equivalent to me as mice poop.

Not sure what I am going to do about my job after the honeymoon. I know that we need more money and I miss taking home those nice big checks; but I am torn and not sure if I should go back to school and if so what do I want to do?

This indecision coupled with the stress has made me sit and seriously look at my ADHD and the possibilities of going on medication for it. I have been in therapy now for three years and it is helping and I am a better person for it; I just think that I might get more out of life and possibly more emotional stability if I were on say Adderall. I just don’t know. I am still researching and will have to talk to Georgette regarding this issue.

I have to go and give the deposit for my wedding band this weekend. I am so excited. I wish I could show all of you what it looks like; platinum channel set sapphire ring that goes ½ around. We went to Concannon Jewelers to see Rick. As always we had a great time shopping and buying goodies in his store. I am excited too because I am also getting a pair of diamond earrings out of the deal; he is also going to give me a discount on our fine china pattern!! We are getting such a great deal on the ring, we are truly lucky to have a jeweler who is a close and personal friend. Kevin’s ring is awesome and we got even a better deal on that ring, but that ring came from Ross-Simons. He takes his ring out and puts it on and looks down at his hand. How sexy.
 
 
Jes
01 August 2005 @ 11:56 am
Oh my god. They killed off Nate Fisher. I am not sure how I feel about this. In one hand I am actually happy that he got what he wanted. He was never going to be happy with Brenda and I don't think he was ever actually happy about his life. Too much pain. Especially after Lisa died and then the brother-in-law thing. Then on the other hand I feel so bad for Mia and now Brenda with a baby on the way.

Whoa. I know it's just a show. But we have watched EVERY episode when they air and we have parites every Sunday night just so we can all watch together. We have been doing this for four years now. So next week we are having a funereal for Nate at our house. We are having little finger sandwiches and stuff like you do at a real funderal. We are even dressing up like we are going to a funeral.

We are crazy ass people and I love it.


RIP Nathaniel Fisher Jr.
 
 
Jes
22 June 2005 @ 11:42 am
I have to write she told me. I have to vent these feelings and I have to place them in the "indefference box" and push them away.

I am skepital. I am trying.

How though? It is not easy. Spent a great deal of time yesterday crying; trying to explain things, trying to make sense of what doesn't make any sense to me and I live it daily. So yea, I will try to write and I will vent and I am going to start saying things here that are going to make me uncomfortable for a while.

Just not now.
 
 
Jes
07 June 2005 @ 03:19 pm
shit  
Oh yea, I can't find my photographer. It is almost like she fell off the face of the earth. I have called the number on her business card and the answering machine is one of those automated kind that come with the answering machine. I have left three messages (over the course of three weeks)I have even gone so far as to beg on the machine that if this wasn't Lisa's number to please call me. I looked up her home number in the phone book and that number was disconnected and I sent an email which was bounced back.

Oh goody.

Now I am looking AGAIN for a photographer. I know I can find one, but it won't be the photojournalistic style that I want and I am not going to get the deal that I was getting with Lisa. This ontop of the other bullshit is just enough excitement for me.
 
 
Jes
Today is my 29th birthday. Wow. That is all I have to say.

In other news; Weddings make you see who your real friends are and give you an opportunity to see how people truly feel about you, your decisions and a peek at their character.

I always knew she was a jealous girl, but NEVER did I think that she would pull this shit on me. Nor did I ever imagine that one of my bridesmaids would tell me that they just aren’t feeling the “spark” of it all because we already got married and that we are wasting time and money by having the wedding in September. She also told Morgan that she doesn’t see what the big deal is about us getting married anyway, we should have just had a small wedding because we have been together so long it wasn’t a big deal that we got engaged. Oh, and she also said that I have planned the whole wedding and she feels left out and doesn’t like it.

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DRUGS ARE YOU ON ELLE?

My response: “Wellll… I don’t know what to say to you. I never thought you would feel this way, but I don’t know what to tell you. You have to either get over these feelings that you have or you need to leave the wedding party and if you decide to do that, I will try to salvage what is left of our friendship; but only after the wedding and our honeymoon. I have too much other bullshit to deal with and I am not going to let this ruin a damn thing for me. You are the ONLY person that feels this way and I don’t know what to say. I am entitled to a wedding and I am entitled to do it MY WAY. We did in fact get legally married on March 17th, but you know why we did it and you told me you understood, but now you are saying that you don’t? (she said some more babble) But you WEREN’T even happy for us when we got married on St. Patrick’s Day so how can you say that you are happy for us. You think because I am having a big wedding and we have been together for five years you don’t have to be happy for us? I don’t know what to tell you, I think you have problems. Everyone else is happy and excited and my family actually thanked us for not taking away the celebration from them. I am so sorry I took the spark out of “

I left the conversation along the lines of you tell me what you want to do. You can be a part of this day and be happy for us or not. If you decide to leave I won’t hold it against you; I would rather have happy people who love and care for us and our decisions in the wedding party than have people who aren’t sure.

So she went and ordered her dress. WHAT THE FUCK. Ok. So she decided to get on board. Cool. I can accept this. ( I am quite the forgiving person) but now I have to explain myself to everyone who thinks I should have told her to take a hike. Morgan is furious and she called Elle today and talked to her. She basically told her that it is just too damn bad that she sucks and that I deserve all of what is to come and to get over it. GO MORGAN!!!! I love my little sister.

So yea that is the reader’s digest version of what really happened this weekend. I didn’t spend too much time dwelling on it because you know what? In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. No one can take away my love for Kevin and the wedding we are going to have whether someone doesn’t like it or not. Ha. “So fuck you my ‘man. “ (Beastie Boys)

“ your mom goes to college…” ha ha ha ha ha. Brewstock 2005.